The 4th Halloween

The following is a sketch I once wrote as an assignment…

The 4th Halloween

CAST
Grandmother – 70’s
Granddaughter – 3 years, 11 months

(The playroom of granddaughter’s house)

GRANDMOTHER
I heard you were having a birthday party.

GRANDDAUGHTER
My birthday is on Halloween and I will be four and we will eat an Italian dinner.

GRANDMOTHER
My favorite kind of Italian is fra diavolo.

GRANDDAUGHTER
I don’t know what that means. My favorite Italian is shrimp skimpy.

GRANDMOTHER
When you say it like that, Sally, my favorite Italian is Antonio Banderas.

GRANDAUGHTER
He’s not Italian.

GRANDMOTHER
I’m here to tell you that I have a surprise for your birthday.

GRANDDAUGHTER
An Ipad! Oh, grandma!

GRANDMOTHER
Well… Well…Well, you’re on the right track.

GRANDDAUGHTER
A table tablet with retractable legs?

GRANDMOTHER
It is a form of entertainment.

GRANDDAUGHTER
A Century game system!

GRANDMOTHER
He can play games…

GRANDDAUGHTER
A century is a span covering one hundred years.

GRANDMOTHER
Yes.

GRANDDAUGHTER
I’m 1/25 that age.

GRANDMOTHER
You know fractions as a four year old – sad.

GRANDDAUGHTER
‘He’ – is it Antonio Banderas?

GRANDMOTHER
He’s a clown.

GRANDDAUGHTER
A clown.

GRANDMOTHER
A clown.

GRANDDAUGHTER
A scary clown like the ones on the scary movies on cable that has a bill that makes mommy scream and declare that we will just be streaming movies if she has something to say about it!

GRANDMOTHER
A clown. Lasso the clown.

GRANDDAUGHTER
Like a cowboy clown.

GRADMOTHER
Like a clown clown with a clown red nose and clown red hair and clown red shoes.

GRANDDAUGHTER
My skydiving jumpsuit is red.

GRANDMOTHER
It’ll match the clown.

GRANDDAUGHTER
I’m going to be a skydiver for Halloween! Daddy’s building me a replica plane in a tree instead of a treehouse and I’m going to jump out of the plane and land on a trampoline to make my entrance to my birthday party.

GRANDMOTHER
I’ll cancel the clown.

(blackout)

(c) Frank Cardillo, 2016

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