The Accountability Buddy on The Cutting Room Floor

Sometimes, poor cell phone reception can lead to random idea. Below is an idea that I had to get out of my head and into text form. ‘The Accountability Buddy’ still made an appearance in January’s installment of ‘Your L8 Show: LIVE’, but not in the form of this blatant homage to a certain famous television bit from the 1950’s:

L:  Tonight you are here for a very special edition of ‘Your L8 Show: LIVE’! We are preparing exciting new features for the new year and you are all privy to a sneak peek!

We are also proud to introduce a new sponsor to ‘Your L8 Show’ just in time for the new year. And here to introduce that exciting product is the newest member of the [By The Mummers] ensemble, C!

(C enters, holding a bottle with a shot glass resting on it)

C: Hello Friends, I’m your accountability buddy! Are you tired from that New Year’s Eve soiree? Did you fail to get a kiss at midnight? Share the moment with the one you love? Did you impale yourself on a chain link fence because you were running drunken wind sprints in your apartment building courtyard at 3am?

Is it another January and you find yourself alone?

The answer to all the problems you continue to refuse to take accountability for is in this little bottle.

L: (sotto voce) Hold open the bottle.

C: What – oh…. The answer to all of your problems is in this little bottle. It’s the Accountability Buddy. The Accountability Buddy is vegan, gluten free, soy free, antibiotics free, raw, non GMO, organic, low carb, and fat free!

With The Accountability Buddy you can swallow your pride – I mean problems – you can swallow your problems away!

All you have to do is take one tablespoon when you find your back against the wall. Or when the dark cloud has permeated your body, or you haven’t gotten out of your pajamas for three days because the sun hasn’t shined.

L: (sotto voce) Open the bottle.

C: What – right…  (takes the shot glass off the bottle  and opens the bottle) The Accountability Buddy is so tasty too!(pours and takes a shot) It hits the spot!

(it rocks him hard)

 Tastes just like Monday!

L: No, C, you have to be happy! Your Accountability Buddy takes your troubles away! Try again…

C: ok… It hits the spot! (pours and shoots, stronger reaction)…

(This repeats with stronger reactions from C… And escalates. Is there someone he can kiss in the audience?)

L: C!

(C returns to the stage)

C: So, why don’t you follow the millions who won’t take accountability for their actions and get yourself The Accountability Buddy today! (chugs bottle)

L: That will be all, C. Thank you.


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